hi kooky

more shape and texture

2012-01-13T15:22:00.000-06:00

It was sunny and warm for a bit so we headed to the park. A huge pile of discarded Christmas trees caught my attention, and I was delighted by the many shades of green. (some artificial, of course)

And now we are

2012-01-09T15:56:00.001-06:00

this:

The good news is if all goes well, he will be able to play the last few games of his (very first) basketball season.

going with the flow

2012-01-09T12:54:00.001-06:00

This is how our first day back at school started:

Last night, during a family game of Scrabble, Dos decided to take a flying leap over the end of the loveseat. He caught his pinky on the couch as he approached for takeoff and landed with a whimper.

His pinky was dislocated and broken, which we found out after I zipped him to the ER. (We figured it was dislocated when we saw it sticking out sideways; it was the break we weren't sure about.)

Soooo, gone was my math planning time, my writing-details-in-the-planner time last night. And I've spent all morning running about town fetching prescriptions, etc.

The boys have spent time online doing math, and I'm hoping to do read-alouds after lunch. Before the orthopedic doctor appointment. Please pray he won't need surgery.

T.S.D.

2012-01-07T15:07:00.000-06:00

I had a Totally Symbolic Dream last night.

Okay so I'm , like, resolved to stop acting like someone I'm not and instead just be my regular ol' self, right? Okay so this dream totally summed it all up. Dude.

My dream begins as I enter a shopping mall by myself. It's also sort of a university, I think, but whatever. Lots of people, lots of levels, lots of shops.

I fall into The Gap and try on an outfit: funky asymmetrically cut t-shirt (light blue) with a white cotton sweater on top. The weirdly cut hem of the t-shirt hangs out from the sweater. I put on a pair of regular jeans.

With my old clothes in my hands, I walk out of the store (without paying) and begin browsing the mall. I didn't want to keep the outfit - I just wanted to wear it awhile. I planned to go back to The Gap, put my old clothes back on, and leave the Gap outfit where it rightfully belonged. (This really isn't so subtle, is it?)

As I wandered around the mall, I set off a couple of alarms in different stores and awkwardly tried to explain that I hadn't stolen from them and that I was going to return the tag-ridden outfit to The Gap. (Even the name of the store plays into the meaning, doesn't it? Fabulous.)

But then. Something Bad happened. I realized shops would be closing soon, and I couldn't remember where The Gap was. By the time I asked around and found it (on a deep level I didn't remember visiting - oooooh), I had lost my old clothes. I stood in the store wanting to return the outfit, but I had nothing in which to change. The 1985 version of my mom, dad, and sister suddenly appeared. The store had called them to help me. They looked perplexed, as did I, then they disappeared.

Then hubby showed up. I explained what happened and asked him to help me. I wasn't sure for a moment if he would. He looked a bit put out. Also, he had veneers and his teeth looked longer than normal which I didn't like at all.

It became apparent that the only thing to do was for hubby to purchase the "stolen" outfit for me to wear, but I didn't want it - I really didn't want it. And my old clothes were gone. And the store was closing. There was no good solution.

Fade to black.

Actually, I woke up with a headache. Thank God there IS a good solution in real life! I love T.S.D.s because they remind me that the deep desires of our hearts are real and they matter. Even when noise from life sometimes threatens to drown them out.

Happy weekend to you!

texture

2012-01-06T18:30:00.004-06:00

I captured these images behind our yard at dusk. I tried to find interesting texture before I lost all the light.

*I've noticed that my images are sliced off a bit on the right side. How can I edit html to allow my photos to be larger? Where oh where is my computer nerd husband?

My New Year's resolution is to stop pretending that I care about countertops.

2012-01-05T12:54:00.000-06:00

(photo @ countertopsguide.net)

alert: kind of lengthy

When I was in my 20's, I found myself baffled at the depth to which some of my peers could discuss things like kitchen countertops. Countertop materials, color, edges. The list and their scrutiny seemed to go on and on. I thought this was a ridiculous waste of time.

Then we moved to the suburbs.

I slowly became aware that there is a Suburban Countertop Yardstick upon which Formica laminate (which we have) doesn't rate very highly. I made the mistake, over the last decade or so, of believing this mattered.

I can't turn my new year resolution into a task, and it doesn't fit neatly into one word, so I've chosen to describe it in this post title. Lo, it speaks for so much more than countertops, doesn't it?

While I am finished pretending to care deeply about inanimate objects whose main purpose is to hold stuff, it's what drives my desire to care that wreaks havoc. See, ultimately, I live in a community where there is a subtle but pervasive belief that not only are countertops (etc.) very important, but they serve as a measure of one's value. One's contribution (did you make a lot of money?). One's usefulness (did you make a lot of money?). One's success as a person (did you make a lot of money?). I'm so sick of it I could vomit. It probably doesn't help that I grew up in this area and have been privy (lucky me) to this sort of thinking for over 30 years.

Recently I found myself greeting each morning with a crying jag. Why? This took a bit of prayer to discover. I came to realize how utterly dead I felt inside and how utterly devoid my life was of evidence of the spirit I know I was born with. No creative outlet, no satisfying personal expression, no joy in the simple, beautiful things. In the last decade, I have, in a desperate (and disturbingly unconscious) attempt to fit in, shut off the most vital parts of myself, feeling that somehow they were a liability.

No one forced me to do this - I take complete ownership. And as such, I now take ownership of restoring myself according to original plans. I do not find countertops interesting, period. If I ever have to choose one, I will probably not discuss it with you, because who cares, really? I do not believe that shoes and belts need to match. I don't even believe that socks need to match. I believe that daily showering is overrated, and I do not believe that Apple products impart special status on their owners. I don't care what kind of computer you have. Why should I?

You know what I care about? YOU. I care about how you are. I care about what you are going through. Not your countertops, or computer, or shoes, or pay level, or degree of teeth whiteness. If I'm your friend, I am friend to your God-given you, not your stuff.

I love nature and the incredible beauty to be found therein. I love the sound of trees in the wind and I love music. I love art, I love great writing, and I love wordplay. I love the absurd. I love puns. I love making interesting (and sometimes brilliant, if I may say so) connections. I love shedding new light. Seeing things in new and different ways. I forget things a lot. I can't stand getting ready in the morning because it takes too long and is boring. Which is why my hair doesn't get washed too often. I hate cooking.

Sometimes I find my thought processes far more interesting than the company of people. Sometimes I desperately need to be rescued from my thought processes by hanging out with friends. Unfortunately, I interrupt people when conversation seems to move too slowly. I'm always working on that. But I am also a great listener. I am more than happy to hear your problem and help you out. I am not detail oriented. At all.

I not only love but adore the big picture. It's where I am happiest. It's where I live. I love bringing my ideas to fruition. I hate being interrupted when I'm working. I love my kids beyond words. I am grateful beyond words for my husband. He is unbelievably precious.

Sometimes I experience taste as color. I see music as pictures. Sometimes I mix up red and yellow. Sometimes I completely lose track of what month or season we are in. When people don't "get" me, I have to remember they are traveling on a different highway system, and I graciously let them pass by. When I say "graciously," I mean graciously. Because sometimes people say rude, demeaning things when they don't understand. And I've learned that usually it's a waste of time to try and explain. And that their lack of understanding does not make them any less valuable.

I have always felt a bit different from "normal" people. Not screamingly so, but fundamentally somewhat different. I fell into the trap of fearing and resenting my differences, and I paid the price.

The truth is that God gave me my interesting contraption of a self for a reason. He knew I'd be able to appreciate it and operate it well. I owe Him an apology for harboring such disdain for the wonderfully unique self he entrusted to my care. I owe Him an apology for abusing my one-of-a-kind self with terrible, hateful thoughts. I will trust Him for acceptance, friendships, and belonging. I will trust Him.

So enough with countertops and on to the things that truly satisfy. Amen.

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition, when infinite joy is offered us. Like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea, we are far too easily pleased. -C.S. Lewis

New Year thoughts & photos

2011-12-31T13:26:00.001-06:00

There's something exciting about the idea of the new year and resolutions.

I stopped making resolutions about 20 years ago when my record for not keeping them became painfully clear. I decided that I would take care of things as I needed to and not let a date be my guide. So that has worked out.

This year, though, I'm thinking of taking a soft approach to resolution-making. Perhaps I'll go with a concept rather than a goal - one intangible I'd like to work on throughout the year. Some people choose a word to remind them of the area on which they wish to focus. Joy. Yield. Breathe. Accept. Smile. Lots of options.

I'm not sure how this will all pan out, but meanwhile I will share some photos. We visited a state capital this week. I forgot my camera so I used my phone.

It was a breezy day.

A restful vignette.

A basement level in which one could easily become lost.

Shiny marble floors.

Pretty elevator detail.

House chambers with beautiful ceiling murals.

House seats.

Another of many huge murals.

Even the restrooms are fancy.

Another restful vignette.

Lush Senate chambers.

One of many lovely stairwells.

Happy 2012!

happy faces

2011-12-21T15:29:00.003-06:00

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Kiwi, for smiling at me today.

It's not a gift.

2011-12-15T13:54:00.000-06:00

This man perfectly describes the thorn in my side that I've struggled with, despised, been confused and defeated by my entire adult life. At least I know now that it's not a matter of character failure.

(I've often thought my grave marker should read, "Almost." Or "Not Quite.")

ADHD is not a gift; it is a thief. Now for learning how to deal with this. (heavy, heavy sigh)

what is the awanser?

2011-11-15T22:26:00.001-06:00

I can't even understand the question! If you can solve Dos's problem, do tell. I'll send you some Twizzlers or something. (Is this what they mean by "theoretical mathematics?")

finished product

2011-11-12T17:24:00.001-06:00

He calls this "French Revolution." See the fire and smoke?

fair warning

2011-11-07T11:11:00.004-06:00

Dos: Can I invite a friend over today?
Hubby: Yes, but don't destroy the house.
Dos: We may.

doodling

2011-11-04T17:23:00.000-06:00

Dos created this maze during read-alouds today. A fine way to listen, I think. (Is there actually a way through the maze? Not sure.)

Dos drew a little fellow riding an "attack pyramid" on the white board. This is Uno's response.

No lack of doodling here, no sir.

two today, since I forgot yesterday

2011-11-03T15:39:00.001-06:00

Okay, I'm gonna try.

2011-11-01T21:28:00.002-06:00

Nablopomo. Just what I need to give me a blog boost. It may be only a photo, but I'm going to try and post something each day this month.

I call this "Painting Day." Because he simply had to paint.

fort

2011-09-06T11:21:00.000-05:00

It's not a great photo, but it captures the morning.

The boys worked together to build this rad fort. They're watching a Magic School Bus video in there somewhere.

It's science week in our house. We have an overall pattern of doing four weeks of "core" - history, geography, literature, language arts, and math - and then a week of science and art. Last year we did science each day, and I always felt disappointed with the lack of time we devoted to it.

This year, by scooting things around and giving us interspersed weeks of science, we can dig in and follow rabbit trails. I believe science is a gateway topic for kids. Science naturally leads to so many other disciplines, and it's such an engaging way to get kids hooked.

After the boys finish their video, we'll head to the library. I've chosen a biology curriculum for this year, but I let them choose a science topic they'd like to investigate too. Uno chose physics, Dos chose gold mining (because he had a dream about it and wants to learn more - lol!), and they're always up for experiments. We'll be digging through library stacks to find some books on these topics.

As for art, we're looking at 13 Buildings Children Should Know. Each kiddo picks a building for us to read about that day. It's by no means a comprehensive tome of world famous architecture, but it's a great start.

Okay! What started out as sharing an amusing moment turned into a somewhat monotonous listing of our current homeschool plan. I feel a little vulnerable putting that out there. (insert worried smiley face)

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by.

Update: Once we got to the library, Uno realized that he indeed did not have interest in physics books. He wisely chose something he truly loves - computers - and picked up a book about building PCs. Our desktop computer is 10 years old (ancient!) and fritzy, so at Uno's suggestion, hubby has agreed that the two of them will build our next computer for us. And hey - he says it's usually a less expensive proposition!

Dos found books on mining minerals and gems and inhaled the books while we were still at the library. He then proceeded to spout off interesting facts about minerals and gems for the next couple of days. Gold is a great conductor of electricity and is used in tons of electronics. Dos pointed this out to Uno, who did not know this and seemed to think it was a ridiculous idea. Then they had a big argument which I had to mediate. Then we discussed the concept of being curious and willing to learn instead of just dismissing something that you don't understand. And so it goes... (which is why I need a 4-week solo vacation to the Mediterranean, thank you)

lake

2011-09-05T20:18:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, the weather was screamingly beautiful. Seventy-something degrees, sunny, breezy. A perfect end-of-summerish day. We picked up and drove down to a nearby lake for some relaxing.

uhhhh

2011-09-04T13:12:00.000-05:00

It took me 4 separate evenings to edit these photographs. Finding time to do what I love feels nearly impossible lately, but I'm on it.

These are more backyard shots. I know, boringola. But it's something, right? Something is way better than nothing these days.

together

2011-08-06T10:03:00.006-05:00

He makes my feet like the

feet of a deer;

he enables me to stand on

the heights.

He trains my hands for

battle;

my arms can bend a bow of

bronze.

You give me your shield of

victory,

and your right hand sustains

me;

you stoop down to make me

great.

You broaden the path

beneath me,

so that my ankles do not

turn.

Psalm 18: 33-36

(The words of David)

I have always struggled with the concept of letting God "be in charge" of my life. This idea is clearly presented in the bible, but I find it a bit frightening and terribly confusing.

What am I supposed to do? Sit on a rock until a heavenly instruction pamphlet drops into my lap? "Have no will of my own?" That sounds nihilistic, not to mention impossible. What in the world does this mean? Give up my life? Deny myself?

When I take these ideas to their logical conclusions (via my weird brain paths), I'm left with an image of Gollum lying limply on a prison cell floor. A rotted shell of a person who is "empty for the Lord." I find this sickening. Thank you, brain, for not understanding correctly (again).

But the words above - the words of King David - are not the words of an empty man. They are the words of a strong, capable, vital man.

In my old age, I'm beginning to understand that letting God "be in charge" isn't an either/or proposition. It's not God OR me. It's the two of us together. The fullest relationship with God only works if I bring my entire self to the table, warts and all. He gave me my personality, vision, talents, and experiences for a reason, and He leaves me free to choose: I can use what I possess for strictly personal gains, or if I wish, I can use them to further His kingdom here on Earth. The choice is mine. Therein lies the distinction, I believe. Not who gets to dominate? but who do I want to serve - myself or God? At heart, despite my flaws, I want to serve God.

"Letting Him be in charge" sounds dubious to me, so I choose to rephrase:

Why wouldn't I want the creator of the universe, the wisest of all, the one and only God who loves us deeply (so deeply that He suffered death in our stead!), to teach me? Guide me? Help me out? Show me? Why wouldn't I want to listen to the most beautiful, brilliant being of all? Why wouldn't His way be best? Why wouldn't I want to do His work? When I present it to myself this way, I say yes, and I'm not afraid.

Young David understood this. He loved and served God from his youth, yet remained brazenly himself (major flaws and all) throughout his life. And God adored him.

So that pretty much wraps it up for today. The end. :)

scrambled-y

2011-07-31T11:09:00.006-05:00

As a homeschooling mom, I'm connected to quite a few online homeschooling resources. I enjoy the blogs and websites that offer ideas and encouragement.

However. I have utterly hit a wall. I have a sneaking suspicion it is a wall that many moms have hit (ouch), and here's how it goes:

Wow. Look at what all those homeschooling families are doing. Hm. We don't study Latin. Or raise our own goats and make our own cheese and butter. Or participate in nationally-ranked technology clubs. My kids don't eagerly make art on their own. They don't create plays or teach themselves heiroglyphics and guitar.

My kids, left to their own devices, like to play Wii, Nintendo ds, or computer games.

Perhaps I am failing? At instilling the joy of the pursuit of learning? At cultivating my children's passion for and inspiration in LIFE?

I think I've fallen for the temptation of climbing onto the ledge of comparison and self-doubt.

Still, it is no easy task to confidently stay the course when you're the course-decider. Even with prayer, it is difficult.

I'm going to consider this storm of self-doubt to be a normal part of homeschooling. I think it only makes sense, especially at the beginning of year two. During year one, everything is new. Basically, you kind of don't know what you're doing. In a way. Year two, though, is different. A little experience, a little looking around at what others are doing, more awareness of what is available and possible + still being green = temptation to doubt.

I feel this little (yet mighty) storm is on its way out, and I am going to use it for good. Through our doubt, we can decide to quit the current path, change the current path for the better, or simply continue on said path more confidently. I'm not letting this uncomfortable spell have troubled me for nothing.

Um, okay that's all.

Luna Bella Blue, badger huntress

2011-07-20T19:15:00.003-05:00

a.k.a. Our New Puppy Luna, mini long-haired dachshund. (Dachshunds were originally bred to hunt badgers. Luna hunts very small badgers.)

She likes crunchy leaves, snuffling in the grass, and napping.

Luna from hi kooky on Vimeo.

song

2011-06-16T12:08:00.005-05:00

Another of Dos's compositions.

I Like to See Your Eyes

Don't faint (repeat)

i like to see yor eye's

its a happy day when i see yor eye's!

and when i see your eyes

i like to Dance oooo Dance!

and i like to see

and i like to see your

eyes! (reapeat whole ting)

so close

2011-06-05T21:20:00.004-05:00

It was a gorgeous opportunity so I shot and shot. Nevertheless, it was one of those days.

Kids in a pool. Here are some of my favorites but I just didn't get the shot. Well, one maybe. C'est la vie.

(I think these need to be viewed in larger format to be their best.)

(Also, I don't like the way I constructed the written portion of this post, but I can't switch it around to right. Sorry for the choppy, redundant sound of it.)

backyard

2011-06-02T20:55:00.008-05:00

It was a cloudy, cloudy day. We hung out in the backyard. I took some photos.

He did rest one time. For a second.

This is one of my all-time favorite portraits of the boys. I got lucky with Uno in the background, running. See him? Locks a-flowing? I call this Supermen.

caterpillar time

2011-05-28T13:37:00.005-05:00

Good golly, the caterpillars are back in force. We've dusted off the habitat and welcomed our first residents of the season. We decided to create a separate "egg nursery" (in a Cool Whip bowl) so the eggs aren't accidentally thrown out with the leaves when we clean the big habitat.

The hanging caterpillar is the first to assume the chrysalis-making position. Perhaps it will be a chrysalis tomorrow.

The monarch just happened to be flitting around our backyard yesterday.

(Has a year really passed since the last time we did this? Oh my.)

unexpected

2011-05-23T13:45:00.004-05:00

Our utterly red rose bush surprised us with this pink beauty:

old timey

2011-05-22T18:14:00.008-05:00

I recently photographed old photographs from family albums and a few pages from a family Bible (published in 1864). I don't know the stories of 98% of my ancestors, but I found these images beautiful and compelling. I'd love to know more.

My great-great-great (?) grandfather and grandmother.

My great-grandfather.

My great-grandmother.

Something special here. My great-grandmother was orphaned as a young child and adopted by a couple who could not have children of their own. I found her adoption story written in the "Births" section of the Bible. Very sweet.

Having no children of their own William Harrison and Jane Elizabeth adopted Maude Belle, the four year old orphaned daughter of Adeline Gwinn and William Nicholas Hawkins bestowing on her all the affection and care they could have given an own child. She was born Dec. 25, 187? in New Frankfurt, Mo. ...

That's all, folks. For today, anyway.

asking for help: so easy! when I remember to do it

2011-05-21T21:40:00.003-05:00

So I have a problem with planning. There's nothing inherently wrong with having a problem. When one has a problem, one needs to seek assistance. Advice. Help.

I remember that as I prepared to graduate from college, I told myself on numerous occasions that it was not wise for me to accept help. Since I didn't know when help may or may not be available in the future, I needed to learn to do it all on my own. Rely on no one. Because too often no one is around. That's what I had learned, so better safe than sorry. (And no, it was not a part of my college curriculum, thank you very much smarty pants.)

Well, that approach has led me right past safe and straight to sorry.

Funny how something so simple - so logical - can be so out of reach at times. I feel like a fool.

The lie I've believed for a long time is twofold: 1) no one is willing or able to help you, and 2) you can't ask for help because you're supposed to know how to do it.

Twofold and age-old. (Ol' Devil's been plying that one for centuries.)

I ponder this when teaching my children. I want them to know that help is near - always. I want them to learn to ask for it rather than suffer in silence. I want them to learn that someone will respond. Sometimes this goes well, sometimes it utterly falls apart, but I know that God carries them in ways I simply cannot.

My task is to remember to ask for help when my own inner resources are not enough for a situation. I mean, gee whillikers. Every girl needs one flaw to remain human, right? ;)

Look at that. I just equated lack of pure self-sufficiency with flawed-ness. Hm. I believe that is neither true nor helpful. Hm.

Hmmm.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

There was a man all alone;

he had neither son nor brother.

There was no end to his toil,

yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.

"For whom and I toiling," he asked,

"and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"

This too is meaningless -

a miserable business!

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,

his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

-Ecclesiastes 4:8-12

monster

2011-05-20T11:03:00.006-05:00

Every person enjoys particular strengths and bears certain weaknesses.

I have put my finger on a weakness. A crippling weakness.

For whatever reason, I struggle mightily with planning. Yes, that's right: planning. Planning a day, planning a meal, planning a party, planning my future.

I distinctly remember my first experience with this difficulty. My sixth grade teacher asked us to draw a picture of what we saw ourselves doing in ten years. My mind was positively blank. Blank! I could have illustrated any number of hopes and dreams, but all I saw was nothing. And, of course, being the slightly morbid child I was, I wondered if that meant I wasn't going to be alive in ten years.

Anyhoo.

I have been able to clarify this difficulty because I began researching ADHD. Little did I know how very different it can look in girls & women. I am not a psychologist. I have not been diagnosed by a psychologist, and I don't know that I have ADHD. That's not the point. What I learned is that certain brain functions can be wonky. I have this wonkiness when it comes to planning.

An unscheduled day can be hell for me, because nine times out of ten I will accomplish nothing I feel good about. A large part of why I don't is that I can't organize the swirling mess in my head. The mess of wishes, thoughts, and ideas. Everything zooms around at one million miles per hour, and all I can do is stand there - paralyzed - and try to catch something - just one thing - which I usually don't. Or if I do, I feel like I'm moving through molasses to get it done. I always look forward to a day off, but it's usually a horrible disappointment.

So. For my entire adult life, I've wondered what is wrong with me. Why I have good ideas yet am seemingly unable to bring them to fruition. Why I have to keep life so simple. Something has been wrong with the picture for a very long time.

I have some insight now. I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed (of course), but at least I know what my "disability" is. I know there are things I can do and places to get help.

Sometimes I wonder if I didn't have this problem, who would I be and what would I be doing? The difference would probably not be drastic. I believe I'd be more assertive. I believe I could accept myself more easily (instead of wondering what the problem is). I believe I'd be comfortably ensconced in a vocation of my choice. I believe I'd take more risks.

(No, I'm not interested in leaving my family, uprooting myself, and becoming a Himalayan sherpa or opening a B&B in Provence. Nothing like that.)

Sometimes I feel angry with God. Why did he give me talent but also allow me a crippling confusion that keeps me from knowing how I might like to use it?

I need to get to the bottom of this. I am so weary of being frustrated and confused. Of simple things being so difficult.

What I need is a plan, right?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

your eyes might roll back in your head

2011-05-19T10:19:00.011-05:00

I've shot hundreds if not thousands of photos at this place over the last few years. Some of the shots seem redundant, but I remind myself that I was looking closely. I allowed myself to see the quietly interesting things that I might otherwise pass by.

I don't really love shooting in super sunny light, but oh well. I edited quite a few photos on the hot side. Oops. Lesson learned.

My favorite shot is the doll. She's pretty. But creepy. And the duck lurking in the background adds to the lovely oddness of the scene.

The end. (Finally, I know.)

aaaaand survey says...

2011-05-15T20:31:00.004-05:00

Have you heard the adage, "Sometimes God says 'yes,' sometimes He says 'no,' and sometimes He says 'wait'?"

Yeah, well. I understand it, and I'm all right with it. Here's the thing: there is something for which I have been waiting over half my life now. A particular bit of understanding.

I know the biblical story of Abraham and Sarah and the very long wait for their son Isaac, and I know other people who have had to wait a very long time for what they desire.

What I'm beginning to wonder is this: am I waiting for something that will never happen? Am I barking up the wrong tree? Have I missed the boat and am "wandering in the wilderness" because of some fool mistake I'm not even aware I made?

What I want to know is whether I should bother to wait - to hope - to expect - or not. I mean, just let me off the hook already if there's no answer heading my way in this lifetime.

Waiting can be very tricky, indeed.

The majority of the time I'm too busy to think about it, but other times the issue presents itself and then I'm there. Standing there looking at it, clueless as always. After examining it a bit, I realize I don't have any new, good information to move forward with, so I move it back to the back burner and get on with things.

Still, though, it's there. Oy.

checking on the crops

2011-05-11T15:52:00.002-05:00

He does this every morning.

no good lurker

2011-05-10T12:54:00.004-05:00

Feeling crummy today. There's this specific type of crumminess that sweeps over me from time to time, and I don't like it.

"It" is like a thought vapor - dark and damp (think "Dementor")- and it starts by sitting on me. Then its little tendrils try to sneak into my thoughts. It probably smells bad too, now that I think about it.

It promotes a feeling of inertia, but staying put is the worst thing. Action helps. Not as an attempt to run away from it, but as a sign of "You're no good and I'm not going to give you my valuable time and attention."

Of course, it may remain nearby, but I've learned that if I respond to it for what it is - instead of believing what it tries to whisper to me - it will become bored and eventually go find something else to do.

Prayer helps. Looking the beast square in the face and telling it to get lost helps. Coffee helps. So does watching this.

I feel better now.

poor Thumper

2011-05-05T18:47:00.002-05:00

Hubby and Dos were preparing to install a little fence around our new vegetable garden. Hubby handed Dos a good-sized rubber mallet.

Dos: What's this for?

Hubby: What do you think it's for?

Dos: To keep the bunnies away?

kerouwacky

2011-05-04T11:03:00.002-05:00

I'm going to start posting the random emails that Dos sends me. They are short. If you don't find them interesting, that's all right. I'm recording these for posterity.

(We set the boys up with email accounts a few months back, and periodically I receive something, um, interesting from Dos.)

4-27-11

Subject: Am i crazy?

Message: Does anyone have a chees-it nono yesyes copy copy i have 0 ducks i mean 0 bucks i say that to myself a lot you know you have no head.

5-4-11

Subject: www.me.com

Message: Good day and welcome to www.me.com want a coke get one here you you and you. Fine i will give you a coke cherry coke for bonus.No spam!

I tried some Jack Kerouac lit when I was twenty-something and didn't really connect, but I love these crazy emails more than anything. Dos comes across in a pretty straightforward manner, so I count these strange, lovely writings as delightful peeks inside. He's always kind of reminded me of a farmer, but who knows? Maybe he's a poet? A poet farmer?

overheard

2011-04-30T20:10:00.003-05:00

...

Dos: Hey Uno, you know when a person's eyeballs fall out?

Uno: You mean like No-Eyed Jack?

(C'mon. Don't you remember No-Eyed Jack? Me either.)

This is My Father's World

2011-04-17T12:36:00.005-05:00

We sang this hymn at church today. It's one of my favorites. *sigh* Simple, gorgeous melody and simple, gorgeous words. I feel like I'm walking in a sunny field when I sing it.

The first few verses are peaceful and sweet. Relief from the everyday grind, a transport from the difficulties of life:

This is my Father's world, and to my listening ears

all nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres.

This is my Father's world. I rest me in the thought

of rocks and trees, of skies and seas; His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father's world. The birds their carols raise!

The morning light, the lily white, declare their maker's praise.

This is my Father's world. He shines in all that's fair;

in the rustling grass I hear him pass. He speaks to me everywhere.

The phrase repetition of "This is my Father's world" is no mistake. It helps us remember where we are and who loves us - the one who has got us in His hands, so to speak. I love the reminder, and I love remembering with a room full of people who love remembering too. In song!

The last verses speak to the troubles that befall us in our Father's world. Sin and heartache may be a part of the world now, but they will not always be.

This is my Father's world. O let me ne'er forget

that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father’s world. T
he battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied, and earth and Heav’n be one.

This is my Father's world. Why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring! God reigns; let the earth be glad!

This is my Father’s world. A wanderer I may roam-

Whate’er my lot, it matters not, my heart is still at home.

At home. Comfort. Protection. Peace. Truly, His ways are mysterious, but they are also real.

Peace to you on this Palm Sunday. Hosanna!

happy trails not (?)

2011-04-07T11:38:00.005-05:00

I simply can't imagine that this is a nice way to live. I think of freeing them, yet I worry I'd be introducing a non-native species to our area, and next thing we'd know all the trees would be gone.

Well let me just tell ya.

2011-04-02T19:56:00.002-06:00

I've been a bit sad lately when I think of this blog. Since beginning homeschooling, I simply haven't had the extra time or creative energy to devote to photography and/or writing.

I want to, I really do, but I am just going to accept that during this season of life, posting may not be what I want it to be.

Funny how creative energy gets used. Loads of it are required for teaching and interacting with the boys. My creative itch gets scratched every day.

I don't even have a photo to go along with this post. How disappointing!

All right. Moving along now.

Hoping to bring you something interesting soon...

race

2011-03-14T15:40:00.001-06:00

lining up the competitors:

and they're off!

hello

2011-03-11T19:58:00.007-06:00

I am 98.5% well after a nasty bout with a nasty virus. Yay.

Here are some photos for you to look at if you'd like. From December.

oy

2011-03-03T15:29:00.004-06:00

I'm down with bronchitis. Or something. Whatever it is, my windpipe does NOT like it at all. I've been hugging my most excellent steam inhaler the same way an addict might hug a crack pipe. (Sorry for the semi-crass reference there, but seriously - I need the steam.)

Isn't water great like that? Heat it up, breath it, and feel bronchial relief! It's nothing short of amazing.

Also, sometimes when you mix your liquid soap, the result is really pretty:

making antennae work

2011-02-26T17:07:00.003-06:00

Trying to maintain boundaries as a working-very-hard-at-home homeschooling mom is tough.

I have a full-time job, and my office is in a corner of the kitchen, about three feet from the table. When I need to sit, concentrate, and work, I am too often interrupted by a kid or husband chatting at me (or asking me to make a grilled cheese sandwich or what have you).

I'm sure I've stated before here - I AM NOT A MULTI-TASKER. I become irritated when interrupted because it's tough to keep the train of thought going. Even incidental noise around the house grates on my nerves after a while.

Anyhoo, recently I remembered hearing about a mom who wore bunny ears when she was feeling irritable (read: PMS) and wanted to be left alone by her family members. "Brilliant," I thought.

So I dragged out the closest thing I've got to bunny ears: bug antennae. I have informed my family that when I am at my desk with the antennae on, they are not to bother me. If hubby is not around to help the boys, they can write me a note and leave it (silently, of course) on the desk beside me.

I'm hoping this works. At least 80% of the time (keepin' it real).

a pretty little tulip peeking from the soil

2011-02-24T21:52:00.006-06:00

You thought I was going to post about the first signs of spring, didn't you?

Okay, maybe you didn't.

And I'm not.

I'm going to write about my dear, sweet Dos who is a fellow of few words yet generous of heart.

Writing has not been easy for him. His actual handwriting is good, and he enjoys learning cursive. When the task is to write for the sake of learning or improving letter formation, he's game. When it's time to communicate, he becomes miserable. I think I've FINALLY figured out that it's because his hand can't keep up with his thinking; the whole task seems painfully overwhelming. (That's sort of a no-brainer, but I wanted to check out a couple of other theories so I didn't miss anything.)

Today's assignment was to flesh out a "bedtime story." (We pinned down story elements yesterday.) He had free compositional reign in terms of plot, setting, characters, and length. The only requirement was to include Frog, Toad, or both.

He fussed, he groused, but I encouraged, I cheered. AND HE DID IT. Boy howdy, he did it.

I'm the proudest mama of all, right now. He wrote the whole thing without my help (if I were near, he tended to whine...). He used punctuation like a 2nd grade superstar. Most of all, though, his voice shone through. His succinct, sweet, buoyant, full-of-heart voice is right there.

And now, in true proud mama fashion, I present to you his story. In all its brevity (and original spelling and punctuation):

"Helping Bird"

Bird was resting in his nest. He was getting the house ready for Frog and Toad. He was running to ckeck for Frog and Toad. When he triped and got stuck.

He could barley see Frog and Toad outside. When they came in they asked him if he nedded help. He said "oh surtenly." So they pulled, pushed and cut Birds way out "oh thank you" said Bird.

"For all of your help we will have a ice cream party" said Bird. "We are?" said Toad. "Yes" said Bird "because you are such good freinds" said Bird.

THE END

You should have seen the smirky little smile he had on his face when I told him what a wonderful job he had done. I could see new confidence being born. Yes! Oh I pray that this success will encourage him in future writing.

I wish hair didn't matter so much, but it does.

2011-02-20T14:36:00.008-06:00

I am having a severe Hair Identity Crisis.

One minute I'm completely happy with my short haircut (cute! easy!), and the next I'm positive that short hair is all wrong on me and I want to grow it shoulder-length. Really? (time-consuming! work!) Really.

It's pitiful, the way I've been vacillating on this issue lately. I've stopped to wonder if it's hair that I'm truly concerned about.

Things are pretty settled with our homeschool. We recently found a new home church and have fit right in (thank you God for that enormous, much-needed blessing!!!). I have great friends and have even reconnected with a high school friend lately (which has been an utter delight). Things are okay in the main circus rings.

What could this be?

I don't know. Mid-life crisis? I'm 42 - is that old enough? Am I bored? Is the impending spring season making me restless?

[This post is already self-absorbed in a very teenager-y way. Why stop now?!]

Hubby and I have been going to a fantastic marriage counselor for awhile now. He's helping us work on both individual and couple relational matters. I honestly think that some of the things he's helped me with - subtle things that bubble up over time - are contributing to my hair crisis.

The confidence I've gained through homeschooling (and not having a boss looking over my shoulder), plus the journey I've been on with our counselor, plus my advancing age have all combined to push me in some new directions, personally. I guess I want to find a hairstyle that matches - I'm just not sure what that is yet!

Yesterday morning I dreamed that I had long hair. I struggled to put it up on a ponytail. Finally, I got it. I felt the ponytail a couple of times and said to myself, "I LOVE this. This is it! I wouldn't have guessed it, but this is what I've been looking for!"

Good grief. The drama, right?

the best medicine

2011-02-15T22:07:00.007-06:00

Sometimes I need cheering up. I've decided to put all my cheering tools in one place, here and now.

Behold the things that do not fail to make me laugh. Perhaps you will enjoy them too.

(If you are offended by any of these sometimes slightly off-color, crazy things, I truly apologize.)

Embedding is disabled for the first two videos, so just click away at the links.

* Farting Preacher video

* Total Eclipse of the Heart - Literal Video Version

* Anything by Alice Bradley at Finslippy. (and Momversation.)

* Hyperbole and a Half, here and here.

* Last, but not least, despair.com! Their Demotivational posters are amazing.

Okay. That's all I can think of for now.

Enjoy!

peep

2011-02-10T17:45:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I got this idea to take a picture through the peephole of our front door. I love the shot and would love to shoot through peepholes all around town. I think it could make for an interesting gallery.

BLIZZARD & early birthday stuff

2011-02-01T22:01:00.005-06:00

I could have gotten some totally cool snowdrift shots, but I was not about to go out in that, thank you very much.

If you look closely at the second picture, you can see ice on Dos's eyelashes. The boys were definitely ready for some hot chocolate after their outing.

Dos's 8th birthday is Thursday. Due to road conditions, we had to postpone some fun birthday plans, so we decided to start celebrating early to compensate.

(Here's how disorganized I am lately: when we were at the grocery store yesterday stocking up for snowmageddon, Uno had to remind me to BUY CAKE-MAKIN' STUFF for his brother. Good grief!!! How could I not remember that??? I digress.)

Dos is a man who embraces brevity. "HBG8" stands for "Happy Birthday (his name) eight." The icing looks a bit... wormlike because I thought I had the right icing tips at home, but no. And of course there was bedazzling work with M&M's on top.

Okay! Keep warm if you're in the path of this monster storm!

seriously!

2011-02-01T14:45:00.002-06:00

Dangity dang. I feel like I just cannot get myself organized lately. Lots of things I want to do and need to take care of and they keep getting pushed to the wayside.

I do not try to understand these things.

2011-01-27T12:11:00.002-06:00

For a reason unknown to us, Uno has become obsessed with the word "girdle." I admit, it is a catchy word. Fun to say. Sounds a bit silly.

Uno likes to substitute regular words with "girdle" at unexpected times. His favorite, however, is to substitute "girdle" for "baby" in his rendition of the teeny-bopper Justin Bieber tune (ugh, Justin. Stop pawing that girl).

I prefer Uno's version.

"Gir-dle, gir-dle, gir-dle, ohh..."

it's not frozen

2011-01-23T22:32:00.004-06:00

I'm just thinking...

egghead

2011-01-12T10:48:00.002-06:00

He stuck his tongue out at me so I ate him.

I hope David Bowie will understand.

2011-01-05T13:04:00.000-06:00

Ground Control to Major Tom: Time to come back, dude. Christmas break is over.

Major Tom: But I don't want to.

Ground Control: TOM. Turn that floaty tin can around and get back here now.

Major Tom: Did you say something?

Ground Control: Have you been skipping your protein pills again? Major Tom, you will not be allowed to take the tin can out again if you do not return instantly.

Major Tom: GOSH. Okay, dangit. Pffft. I'm turning the tin can around and coming back but I'm afraid the heat shields have deteriorated and I might burn up on re-entry. Eeeeeee!

Ground Control: Your heat shields are fine. You are fine. ahem. You will make it through re-entry just fine.

Major Tom: I don't believe you. I LIKE IT OUT HERE floating in my tin can. Returning will be horrible!

Ground Control: Tom!

Major Tom: What?! Okay. Here I come.

(Major Tom succeeds in turning the tin can a full 180 degrees and heading back toward Earth's atmosphere. He panics a bit as he enters the atmosphere and feels the heat.)

Major Tom: Eeeeeeeee!

Ground Control: Major Tom, all systems are set and the heat shields are working properly. Now would be a good time for you to go to your happy place. Remember? Happy place?

Major Tom: Eeeeeeee.

Ground Control: Major Tom, prepare for landing. You made it!

Major Tom: Eeeeeeee.

Ground Control: You are safely returned. Open the hatch, dude. Welcome to 2011 and back to your regular routine.

Major Tom: *

using my blog for thinking out loud again

2011-01-04T15:38:00.003-06:00

Pardon me, but if I don't get this down, I will surely forget it.

Language Arts for Dos:

PROBLEM:

He's feeling stressed out by the structured curriculum that I bought. Has a headache every time he has to do Lang. Arts. Assigned creative writing projects are torture. He is a man of few words to begin with, and this is not helping him enjoy words/writing.

HOW DO I WANT TO MAKE IT BETTER?

Teach conventions casually and interactively (conversation, white board participation, word games), then come up with our own creative applications using various sources:

- This book. (Wade through the insane graphics to find wonderful inspiration, examples, and ideas.)

- My brain. (I mean, come on. This is second grade. He's seven. I'm a creative English major.)

Need to make sure we do:

- spelling

- contractions

- start with a capital, end with a period, etc.

- continue with proofer's marks? (I did just fine without them, but they are incredibly efficient.)

- synonyms, antonyms, and homophones (because they're fun! seriously!)

- casually discuss different types of writing: fiction, non-fiction, biography, etc.

- fun, funny creative writing projects. short. simple. not intimidating.

Oh yeah. Keep with learning cursive. Figure out how to work that in. Shouldn't be too hard.

And figure out how to whittle down all my ideas into something that will not take 8 hours a day (despite the fun and casual approach). :)

Now, for his Math (which he loves dearly, seriously)

- Slow down the pace. He is very capable but does not thrive with pressure.

- Find online printables for plain old repetitive practice. This makes Uno crazy, it makes Dos happy. To each his own.

- Keep casually practicing the more challenging skills, but no overloading.

- Maybe find some math workbooks? or stick with online worksheets (free!)

Um, okay. That's all for now.

an undeniably odd post, but I'm sticking to it

2011-01-04T12:56:00.002-06:00

On a slightly-morbid-yet-lighter note, two things that I am afraid of:

1. grabbing the nail polish remover instead of my eye makeup remover

2. grabbing the 409 cleaner instead of the Fruit & Veggie Wash

The 409 issue could be rectified much more easily than the nail polish situation. I do store the nail polish remover a full ten feet away from my eye makeup remover, but somehow this horrific thought occurs to me from time to time.

New Year's Eve, 2010

2010-12-31T17:07:00.003-06:00

Today is cold. And gray.

I'm sluggish.

Complicated news has me

sitting and thinking.

There will be lots to sort out

this coming year.

Sometimes I feel too

weak for the task.

Sometimes I don't.

I want to feel the spark of hope

that comes with looking ahead,

but this news has me distracted.

I wonder if God cares.

I am thankful for my family

and friends who love me.

I am thankful for my health and home.

Now - for eyes to see the way,

and heart to succeed

on the journey before me.

I pray the new year is kind to us all.

merry

2010-12-24T13:26:00.003-06:00

Sending blessings of joy and comfort to you during this holiday season. Can you believe 2010 has flown by?

Merry Merry Christmas and happy new year!

Math was funner today.

2010-12-20T16:24:00.004-06:00

Yes, I know that funner isn't a real word, but I like it.

Math-on-a-Plate was fun! Good variation: have the boys take turns calling out equations for each other.

random

2010-12-19T23:44:00.002-06:00

I'm writing this down so I don't forget it. (I'm combining blogging and to-do lists here.)

Good idea for math fact practice:

Get a stack of cheap paper plates. Write answers to multiplication (and division) tables on the plates. Make a set for each kid. Throw all the plates on the floor. Call out equations and have the kids find and jump on the right plate.

That's all.

What is photography for me?

2010-12-10T22:57:00.006-06:00

It is a quiet place. There are no words or thinking in photography. Just looking.

It is food for my eyes and spirit.

It is collecting beauty. Snapping it and carrying it away in my pocket.

It is love and affection. Tending to my collection, sprucing it up, sharing it, admiring it.

It is a way of communicating. (But I usually don't know what I'm saying. Hm.)

It is all these things. It makes me happy to my core, and it soothes me.

Somebody pushed his brother and had to write an essay about it.

2010-12-04T13:11:00.002-06:00

When you push someone down the stairs it is VERY dangerous. Never do it. If you push someone down the stairs they could tumble and hit their head and crack it. It is, like I said, VERY dangerous. Never do it. You'll probably get in trouble, too. There are reasons not to push people down the steps. That is why your mom and dad say never to do it.

history! music! YAY!

2010-12-02T21:52:00.007-06:00

My posting habits have been very lame of late. Sorry about that.

Okay, so here are two youtube videos that we have used recently as a way to rehash and enjoy what we've studied.

First up, IRON MAIDEN. I know. Hubby has harbored a deep love for heavy metal music since his teen years. (Me, not so much. Not at all.) Anyway, he showed me Iron Maiden's "Alexander the Great" and it's been played a lot around here lately. Evidently the boys inherited the Man/Heavy Metal gene from their father. Their air guitar posing is quite amusing, too.

Let me say that this song - about an epic man - is of epic length. Long, dramatic intro, etc. If you hang in there, you can witness all the interesting lyrics about King Philip of Macedonia, King Darius of Persia, etc. Or not. I find the whole thing a little hilarious: an intense, wild front man rattling on about... ancient history. Anyhoo!

Next up is one of my favorites. Hubby had never heard it. (We complement each other so well.) It's "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)," performed by They Might Be Giants. It helps us remember about Emperor Constantine. Peppy, happy, klezmer fun! And history! (And a charming little cartoon to go along with it.) I'm the one who does most of the dancing and posing to this song.

Aaaand class dismissed.

P.S. I'm working on the ill-fitting videos.

Uh oh.

2010-11-17T11:26:00.006-06:00

As much as I like stability, I also like not stability.

What I mean is that the big things in life need to be stable, but the littler things - bring on variety! Please! Lest I gouge my eyes out from boredom!

I've known for awhile that the day would come when I'd have enough confidence to step out of our beginner home school routine. We needed training wheels when we started - no doubt about that. I'm very thankful for training wheels. But it's time to raise those wheels up a bit. (Not ready to remove them. Not yet.)

I felt like crying when I woke up today, and this alerted me to the fact that something may be wrong. (I am nothing if not extraordinarily perceptive.) I asked myself, "What is wrong?" and surprisingly I answered me back, "Good grief, I'll die of boredom if you don't do something FAST."

Then I felt like crying even more because, "Well, what should I do FAST to help us?" Ehhhh. Needing to raise the training wheels, wanting to raise the training wheels, scared to raise the training wheels. Not sure how to raise the training wheels.

We started with our regular read-alouds, then we ran Uno to the school for P.E. Still, the big dough ball of tears threatened to rise up and spill over.

After Uno and I returned home, my auto-pilot, no-nonsense brain took over (since I wouldn't) and it refused to continue with our regular school day. We studied the Azeri people group this morning, the primarily Muslim population in Azerbaijan. The country is loaded with oil and natural gas reserves. Natural gas actually seeps out of the ground causing spontaneous fires. Not surprisingly, the people worshiped fire in the past.

So I told the boys to pretend they are ancient Azeri fire worshipers, and to create a fire-worshiping Azeri house (furniture fort). The excitement was not overwhelming, but they were game. I know this for sure: they can pronounce "Azerbaijan," they can find it on the globe, and they know why the ancestral population worshiped fire.

They wisely added a fire pit and chimney, and placed a sign on top to denote their devotion to fire, lest anyone have doubts (and a lock for safety):

And storage for food and water.

This is a later addition. (Even ancient fire-worshiping Azeris feel the need to upgrade.)

The end.

I'm officially (slightly) off the beaten path and I have no idea where we're going. Kind of. (Never fear - the core subjects will remain. I just don't know what else will be thrown in and how it will all shake out.)

We're on wobbly bike, but we're going!

Would you like to listen to the babble in my head?

2010-11-16T15:31:00.006-06:00

Can I really not afford to shop for nice things, or do I not know how?

I am a bit of a miser. I seem to have a ceiling that tops out around $30-$35 when it comes to clothing. I find it very difficult to pay more than $25 for a pair of jeans (hence my slightly ill-fitting pants). If my timing is good, I can score some petite jeans or cords off of Eddie Bauer's clearance page for $15-$20 a pair.

Tops are a disaster, at least during the cold months. (It seems much easier to find cute tops for cheap-o during summer.) I love cardigans, but finding one that is flattering (I'm not a bulgy pillow, thank you), decent quality, and affordable is quite tricky. I always compromise (but never in the cheap department). It will be flattering or decent quality, but rarely both. It will always be cheap.

So, I'm 42 now and getting tired of this. Options: stop buying food, or ~~prostitute myself~~ get a job.

Well, I have a job (hello, home school teacher lady), but do I add another one? Like, when would I actually be doing this other job?

Do I really need another job? Or do I just need to stop buying cheap crap and take the time to find something nice that will last?

Except I pretty much hate shopping. I'm not one of the patient, persistent types who delights in the hunt. I'm kind of a man when it comes to shopping. I want to walk in, find what I want, pay for it, and leave. asap. So no trolling designer consignment shops or ebay or what have you.

I need a personal stylist.

I should just move to South America and join the Yanomamo in their nakedness.

I heard something this weekend.

2010-11-09T20:41:00.003-06:00

I had the opportunity to sing again with my choir conductor from college (who shall heretofore be referred to as "Mr. Conductor"). He was leading a workshop at a local church where another friend is the minister of music and my mom sings in the choir. (I tagged along.)

Anyhoo, long story short, Mr. Conductor pointed out that the choir does something special beyond just delivering tunes each Sunday.

He articulated something that I knew but didn't realize. The choir is a body of people who meet weekly and collaborate diligently to create something beautiful and share with others. "In today's culture, how many people do this?" he asked.

I don't know, but it hit me that I'm one of the people who do not. And that bothered me mightily for two reasons: 1) principal. If one possesses the ability to add something beautiful to the world, one should do it. 2) personal. I love the work of it. I was built for it. It makes me feel good.

I'm considering whether to join the choir.

I know that my efforts on this blog come from my desire to create something lovely and share, and I LOVE the creative space that this blog offers me. I love sharing my photos. (Well, I like them anyway. :))

But there is something special about creating with others. Relationship is involved, and opportunity for growth (whether you want it or not) happens. Plus, there's always the "whole is greater than the sum of the parts" dealie-bobber. It's just a grander thing, both in the process of creating and in the receiving of the creative gift. I miss it.

So, that's all for now. I leave you with this:

meow

2010-10-31T13:46:00.005-06:00

So we went to a feline sanctuary for a recent field trip. Big cats!

The workers are volunteers who obviously love the animals very much. Our tour guide talked for almost two hours about the various creatures.

They have rescued Bengal tigers (including a mesmerizingly beautiful white Bengal that I could not take my eyes off of), lions, a very quiet little bobcat, a spunky serval, a caracal, a leopard (quite dignified), a cougar, a humorous pair of coatis, and a wily trio of beautiful wolves.

I took photos of the animals in their cages, but what you cannot see is the acres-large wilderness area in which they are allowed to roam. (And, yes, there is a mighty high fence topped off with electric fencing all around the reserve.) The sanctuary plans to enlarge the reserve further in the near future. Lucky cats!

(Of course I took some shots of randomness that simply caught my eye.)

(Bengal tigers)

(serval)

(caracal)

(leopard)

(young lion and lioness)

(bobcat)

(coatis)

(white Bengal)

oh hey

2010-10-30T23:34:00.007-05:00

I'm back with a bit of stuff.

Last month, the boys sat on the patio to do their math. We found (yet) another butterfly; the poor thing looked as if its tail end had been chomped by a bird. It seemed to enjoy keeping Uno company as he worked through his math.

(random blurry foot shot because it has some nice lines)

For an unclear reason, I decided to take photos of the boys during art time this week. They each picked three nature-y items, then carefully observed what they drew. Here they are in all their artistic glory. (Dos enjoys lightly erasing his work to achieve a ghostly gray effect. And he enjoys standing in his chair.)

We've completed 11 weeks of home school now. It's going well, and in some ways more easily than expected, however I'm getting weary.

I'm back to having my children home with me all day each day, and while (praise God) there are no diapers to change or jars of baby food to dole out, my style is cramped. Understand, I'm no gadabout to begin with, but last year I enjoyed the ability to grab my bag, hop in the car, and run errands or meet a friend for lunch in a delightful, unencumbered manner. I could just be me - not mom. That was nice.

Soooo, I'm trying to figure out what I need to do for balance. Again. I love my children, I love teaching them, but I also love being me apart from being mom. I know I can figure it out although I pretty much have zero idea what it will look like. Oy. Ugh. Yay! Ugh.

odd

2010-10-18T16:15:00.005-05:00

This is a strange little collection of random photos I took during a recent trip to a theme park. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I took these. Maybe my poor overworked brain was on Twilight Zone auto pilot.

Thankfully, hubby took a nice photo of the boys and me. There aren't many of those!

A Common Buckeye hatches forth.

2010-10-11T19:45:00.006-05:00

So, I guess this feller* won't be spending the winter as a chrysalis.

The Common Buckeye butterfly hatched today, much to our delight. When his wings are folded, his bright colors are hidden allowing him to blend in with his surroundings.

This is his empty chrysalis shell. The drops of reddish fluid are the remnants of the last meal he ate as a caterpillar, before he became a chrysalis.

What a beauty. Live long and prosper, Mr. Buckeye!

I'll let you know what happens with the little hairball cocoon.

*I have no earthly idea whether this is a male or female.

The experiment goes on...

2010-10-10T12:57:00.004-05:00

I believe these are the last two caterpillars we'll be hosting this year. The boys found them in our back yard, and we identified them online.

Without further adieu, meet our Common Buckeye caterpillar! There are tiny spots of deep, gorgeous blue at the base of his spikes:

We weren't sure what to feed Mr. Buckeye, but he built his chrysalis soon after his capture so we didn't have to worry about it. Just amazing - the chrysalis looks like bark or a curled leaf. (Truth be told, it looks like bird poop splattered on bark if you ask me. Excellent disguise.)

This adorable, floppy fellow is a Milkweed Tussock Moth caterpillar. He scooted along quite quickly despite the massive hair tufts.

After placing him in the habitat, he wove his cocoon. It's kind of gross. Which would, of course, dissuade a predator from wanting to take a bite. I'll give him that. (The white mesh got stuck on his cocoon after he made it.)

We are not sure how long these fellows will remain in the pupal stage. Some moths and butterflies do not emerge until spring. The semi-unsightly yet always-fascinating habitat may be sitting in our kitchen for several months.

I'll let you know what happens!

doubt, for a minute

2010-10-07T21:34:00.008-05:00

There are many good, good things about home schooling, there really are. (Bonus for that spectacular sentence.) BUT. Some tough things come along with it too.

Yes, managing the monkeys is one of them, but managing my own doubts/insecurities about what we're doing is another. While home schooling is a growing trend, it's still a bit of an "out there" thing. A bit.

Today, I finally started cleaning out some of the boys' school work from last year. It was fun to see the things they'd written and drawn. I was all smiles until I noticed how tall the stack of last year's work had become.

Oh man, I'll never be able to teach them all they need to know. We don't do these kinds of worksheets and tests and CRAFTS! Oh my word, I'm failing my children! Where are some worksheets?!? I'd better give them worksheets!!! AND CRAFTS!!!!!!

I exaggerate. (A little.)

When we chose to home school, I was faced with a decision about how to assess learning. I had to decide which sort of approach to take. There are online public & private school programs that are flexible, customizable, and very good. All the assessment is built right in to the process, and all the work is through an accredited school district. DONE. I can't deny that this is appealing.

Another approach is to piece it together yourself. I went through Sonlight for world history, social studies, geography, literature, and some science. I chose Singapore Math for, well, math. We've got Artistic Pursuits, Can You Hear It?, The Story of the Orchestra, and some recorders (get out the earplugs) for art and music. The boys attend P.E. at the school (you can enroll for specials-only classes). We add and change things around as we need to.

This approach allows me to pick and choose what I really think will work for us, but assessing is up to me. Every time I start to think I should give tests or worksheets, though, it's because I'm afraid. Afraid of one day having to prove to authorities standing on my doorstep that we are indeed educating our kids well. Afraid that my kids will fall behind their public school peers. Afraid that we'll miss something and they won't be properly prepared for college and/or the great big world.

I have periodic doubts, but one thing I know for sure is that fear isn't a good reason for me to change things up. I may decide to issue worksheets and tests in the future (I'm not against them), but right now, we're just enjoying learning. Enjoying. Learning. And that's really nice.

hmm

2010-10-05T21:56:00.004-05:00

I can't begin to articulate it all right now, but I'll tell ya what: homeschooling is about far more than academics. Something like "Full-On Entire Person Education" comes to mind. I figured there would be some "character development," as they say, but I didn't realize how much. Whew! This job is definitely requiring my very best, and stretching me in directions I hadn't heretofore imagined. Homeschool seems to act as a Great Magnifier of all things Character (me included, no doubt!).

Now where did I put that one-way ticket to Corfu?

2010-10-03T23:54:00.008-05:00

The weather has been beautiful. Trying to soak up the sunrays before they become scarce.

park outing

2010-10-02T12:32:00.007-05:00

Nothing exciting. Just a quiet evening at the park.

a little treat

2010-09-20T21:57:00.005-05:00

A few weeks back, hubby and the boys found a small woolly caterpillar on one of our pepper plants. Dos put the fuzzy fellow in his bug container along with the pepper, and, quite frankly, we forgot about it.

Approximately two weeks later, hubby noticed that the caterpillar had "disappeared" and a small, brown, pebble-like object lay underneath the pepper. A cocoon? We weren't sure.

About two weeks passed again, and as we headed out the door for a weekend trip, I happened to glance at the bug container.

"Holy mackerel!" I chimed. ("Chimed" really isn't the right word for that exclamation, but I feel it is underused so I am showcasing it here today.)

We all scurried to the container, and, lo and behold, we saw this beauty before us:

I still haven't looked up what sort of butterfly this is, but isn't it beautiful? Such a gorgeous shade of gray. And the paint spots of black, white and orangey-red. Oh, the simple things do make me happy. I hope you have enjoyed this show-and-tell too.

Update: Commenter Camilla has informed me that this is a Gray Hairstreak butterfly. Thanks, Camilla!

holding the line

2010-09-16T11:32:00.006-05:00

"Mama, will you help me get back on track?"

This was unexpected music to my ears. While reading some history to the boys this morning, I saw Dos shove his finger in his nose, withdraw his finger, then begin manipulating the snot between his forefinger and thumb. (I'm sure he'll thank me for sharing this with the world later.)

I stopped reading and advised him to visit the trash can and Kleenex box. He listened to my advice, then proceeded to deposit the snot on the floor in front of him.

Oh no he didn't.

"Pick. it. up." I ordered, knowing full well he couldn't. He had dropped it on BEIGE CARPET.

"I can't find it. Maybe it didn't go on the floor. It was so TIIINNYYYYYY." The excuses began flowing.

My back is currently very tricky, and I knew I couldn't haul the vacuum upstairs right then. Hubby was working in the basement, so I told Dos to go ask his dad to please bring up the vacuum.

The following display of hysterics (crying, writhing, gnashing of teeth) was astonishing. Seriously. Seven little words: "Will you please bring up the vacuum?" Completely beyond him, evidently.

He spent time in his room, knowing he'd have to catch up on history on his own.

About an hour later, hubby prepared to leave for an in-office meeting. "Dos, I cannot bring the vacuum upstairs. You have to ask Daddy now or wait until tonight to take care of your problem."

He asked. He vacuumed. We celebrated.

After the vacuum was put back by the basement steps, I stepped into the kitchen to take care of a couple of things. Uno was working on his math, and Dos was puttering for the moment. Then I heard those words.

"Mama, will you help me get back on track?"

Praise God, hallelujah. The boy was already back on track in my opinion. I helped him get settled on the couch for his catch-up reading: three pages of history, and the last chapter of our read-aloud novel.

Battles pretty much stink, but victory is sweet for everyone.

state fair, y'all

2010-09-15T14:33:00.008-05:00

Carnival rides, carnival food, livestock, and a few other shots along the way. Enjoy. Soo-ey!

That's all, folks.

We interrupt our regular programming...

2010-09-14T20:01:00.004-05:00

I must share this: if you like brain teasers, try these games!

A couple of years back, I saw an ad for a Nintendo DS game called "Professor Layton and the Curious Village". I bought it and begged Uno to please let me use his DS. (He kindly agreed.) You must solve a mystery by cracking (many) brain teasers along the way. Very charming, very addictive. Last year, "Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box" was released. More fun!

This Sunday, we raced to Best Buy so as not to miss a copy of the latest release, "Professor Layton and the Unwound Future." Uno and I have a special tradition of playing these together now, and I must say, he (and Dos!) have helped me along the way. The puzzles can be tricky, and it takes a young, uncluttered brain to remember all the various paths the characters take during the story.

So. I highly recommend these. :)

I think it's a new record.

2010-09-12T23:03:00.012-05:00

Seriously, I think this may be the greatest number of photos I've put into one post. I'm not even sure if Blogger will let me load them all.

Anyhoo, I hadn't had a free, unencumbered day to shoot in a long time, so I really went to town over Labor Day weekend.

I hope you enjoy these last-of-summer photos, and that you do not go cross-eyed because the list is so long. Personally, I'm having a hard time letting go of summer this year, so the longer the list, the better.

scattered thoughts and a few purty pictures

2010-08-31T22:21:00.005-05:00

So. We approach the middle of our fourth week of homeschooling. How's it going? In a nutshell, very well. I would have written sooner, but I'm having trouble forming coherent thoughts about our experience. I suppose it's as if the proverbial non-swimmer jumped in the deep end; it might take them awhile before they could come up for air, think, and describe the experience.

Some fragments:

-Wow, is it ever-so-nice not to have a morning rush.

-Uno is thrilled to be able to use the bathroom at ANY GIVEN MOMENT without having to ask for permission or wait his turn.

-I really like homeschooling.

-There are a lot of interesting, kind, smart people doing this.

-Holy cow, my kids are growing up fast.

-I love that my kids get to wiggle and move and chatter/sing/make noises. All day.

-My kids sure do wiggle and move and chatter/sing/make noises a lot.

-They are happy.

-I am happy.

-I finally understand what all those seemingly disparate parts of myself were put there for.

That's all I can summon at this point.

Now, behold the two huge piles of our chopped up tree (that blew down in a storm):

And finally, a few purty pictures:

a gift for now and then

2010-08-23T00:58:00.005-05:00

I received a gift. Something I desperately wanted for a long time, and prayed for. God knows the depths of my heart.

Two things happened:

Upon receiving the gift, I realized what I had missed. Bitter!

Upon receiving the gift, healing began. Healing to cover the loss. Sweet.

Oh, there is a balm in Gilead. There is a balm, indeed.

We worked hard today.

2010-08-22T22:21:00.002-05:00